Parodies Galore
by Delani
Summary: A series of song parodies based on the Harry potter realm. They're bound to leave you with at least a teensy weensy smile!
1. When You Mess With Filchy

Disclaimer: I in no way own JKR's works, or the songs in Chicago for that matter. I am merely an apprentice. This goes for every song-filk I do as well.  
  
Chapter one: "When You Mess with Filchy"  
  
I never thought I'd do a filk on Filch, but here it is; poor guy, he deserves SOME recognition, right? Well this is sung to "When You're Good to Mama," from the film Chicago  
  
*intro. Voice speaking*  
  
And now, witches and wizards  
  
The keeper of the cat  
  
The shaker of the shackles  
  
The master of torture devices  
  
Caretaker Argus Filch!  
  
Ask any of the students in my cell  
  
They'll tell ya detention with me is hell  
  
I hate them all  
  
And all of them hate me  
  
And so this torture works  
  
The torture that  
  
Is done by only meeeeee!  
  
Got a little motto  
  
Always sees me through:  
  
When you're mean to Argus  
  
He will punish you!  
  
There are a lot of pranks  
  
That peeves can pull on you  
  
You pull pranks on Argus  
  
He'll just sentence you!  
  
They say that I'm a cooty bat  
  
And I don't really give!  
  
So don't you dare scare my old cat  
  
If you want to live!  
  
Don't you know that this hand  
  
Can strangle that neck too  
  
When you mess with Argus  
  
Filch will mess with you!  
  
If you want some gravy  
  
Sneak on down the stairs  
  
But if Argus finds you  
  
You'll hang by your hair  
  
Snape gives out detention  
  
Kids will see me soon  
  
You come visit Filchy  
  
Filchy sings a tune  
  
Albus, the nice headmaster  
  
Is the one those brats adore  
  
But let me have those chains again  
  
And I'll complain no more!  
  
Let's all get together  
  
With a foolish crew  
  
When you're tricking Argus  
  
He is hurting you!  
  
So what's the one conclusion, I can bring before you floo:  
  
When you mess with Argus  
  
Argus will get youuuuu!  
  
Ha! 


	2. McGonnagal Has Got It Going On

Chapter two: McGonnagal Has Got it Going on"  
  
We all know that Stacy's mom has got it going on, but what about a certain Hogwarts Professor? Altered from Fountain of Wayne's "Stacy's Mom."  
  
McGonnagal has got it going on  
  
McGonnagal has got it going on  
  
McGonnagal has got it going on  
  
McGonnagal has got it going on  
  
Professor can I come over after class (after class)  
  
We can hang around and you can help me pass (help me pass)  
  
Did Albus get back from that business trip? (business trip)  
  
Are you with him, or will you give him the slip (give him the slip)  
  
Oh I'm not the ickle student that I used to be  
  
I graduated yeah, McGonnagal can't you just see?  
  
McGonnagal has got it going on  
  
Her stern lip line has always turned me on  
  
'Gonnie can't you see, transfiguration's meant for me?  
  
I know she's kind of old  
  
But I've got it for McGonnagal  
  
McGonnagal has got it going on  
  
McGonnagal has got it going on  
  
Do you remember, when she turned into a cat? (Into a cat)  
  
And at the ball, she wore a tartan hat (tartan hat)  
  
I could tell she liked me from the broom in the mail (broom in the mail)  
  
And the way she said, "I'm sorry but you will fail" (you will fail)  
  
And I know that you think I'm just a big dummy  
  
But since Voldemort came back, you could use wizards like me!  
  
McGonnagal has got it going on  
  
Her stern lip line has always turned me on  
  
'Gonnie can't you see, transfiguration's meant for me?  
  
I know she's kind of old  
  
But I've got it for McGonnagal 


	3. Just the Two of Us

"Just the two of us," a dedication to twinly love. Sung to Just the Two of Us, by Will Smith, whew, who knew this song was so long?...  
  
*intro voice*  
  
Now this is a very magical subject  
  
From the first time I saw a mirror in your eyes  
  
I knew any enemy of yours I'd truly despise  
  
Although I wondered, will we be alike?  
  
I knew we'd be inseparable, stuck side by side  
  
From the very first year at school  
  
It hardly took long to make our names mean cool  
  
We came home safe, from our warm Gryffindor rooms  
  
Makin' concoctions that make a loud boom  
  
Then we played beaters, moved like one on our brooms  
  
And we returned to Hogwarts very soon  
  
We became best mates; I felt my heart melt  
  
'Cause I knew we loved each other more than life itself  
  
Then to my wand, I conjured a charm  
  
Let me always be there, to give a helping arm  
  
Brotherhood, companionship, my twin too  
  
I pledge all I've got to you  
  
Just the two of us, we'll be like Peeves if we just try  
  
Just the two of us, (just the two of us)  
  
Just the two of us, together as the years go by  
  
Just the two of us, you and I  
  
Seventeen years old, we're full of comedy  
  
Every time I look at you, I think, hey it's me!  
  
Just like me  
  
Wait and see, we'll both be tall  
  
It's funny 'cause we've got that Weasley hair 'n all  
  
It's funny 'cause I wonder, what will you be?  
  
Owner of a joke shop, or an MLE?  
  
Ha, we have fun, it should be a crime  
  
And we get busted when we prank all the time  
  
True to that  
  
Uh-uh-uh, I love to do that  
  
People try to make us serious, but we make them laugh  
  
Joy and smilin', when I see the face of my twin  
  
I vow to you  
  
I'll do what I can  
  
Together we grow up, each becomes a man  
  
Laughter, integrity, simplicity an'  
  
Don't mind if you split, 'cause we'll still be with it  
  
Don't mind if you leave, 'cause there's no shame in it  
  
If it doesn't work out, you know where I'll be  
  
Waiting right here  
  
All love and no fear  
  
So if moldie shorts attacks, and you slide off track  
  
'Member one fact, I still got your back  
  
Just the two of us, we'll be like Peeves if we just try  
  
Just the two of us, (just the two of us)  
  
Just the two of us, together as the years go by  
  
Just the two of us, you and I  
  
It's a fulltime job, in a Weasley family  
  
But I'll still respond with integrity  
  
I must study all that's going on with our sibs  
  
Bill and Charlie and our cousin the squib  
  
See, I'm  
  
Tryin' to pretend I know  
  
Exactly what comes after school, where I'll go  
  
But hey, one thing's promised, just so you know  
  
Your twin is right here, when you're high and low  
  
But just in case  
  
I am replaced  
  
To impart  
  
Don't let her break your heart  
  
Oh no pain like from the opposite sex  
  
Yeah it hurts; don't take it out on the next, bro.  
  
Throughout life, wizards make me mad  
  
They throw away your dreams, and leave you mad  
  
Let Albus deal with what they do  
  
'Cause it turns your smile into doom  
  
Always have fun, teach Ron some more swears  
  
And 'member that, your best friend here cares  
  
We are each other; you know it's true  
  
I love you and I'm here for you  
  
Just the two of us, we'll be like Peeves if we just try  
  
Just the two of us, (just the two of us)  
  
Just the two of us, together as the years go by  
  
Just the two of us, you and I  
  
*voice in background as music fades*  
  
This is a good song George, how many Galleons do you reckon we'll make off of it? 


	4. Mister Marauder

The famous Marauders will never be split up, right? Wrong! What happens when a certain red headed green eyed prefect messes up everything for the famous four, and how will poor Jamesy boy feel when she turns him down? Let Kelly Clarkson's "Miss Independent" explain, or should we say "Miss-ter Marauder"  
  
Miss-ter Marauder  
  
Mister marauder,  
  
Mister so clever  
  
Mister never has better, mmm  
  
Black's not afraid  
  
Stay outta James' way  
  
Don't let a woman interfere, no no  
  
They prank on their own  
  
Even when grown  
  
They never let a woman use that kind of tone  
  
So keeping their plans protected  
  
But poor Potter got rejected  
  
Little Miss Evans felt it  
  
Said, "no, you senseless prat!"  
  
What is this feeling taking over?  
  
They swore off girls, but oh, that's no more!  
  
Surprise, it's here  
  
Lily, my dear  
  
Potter, poor Prongs is now dependent  
  
On that sweet girl who said what she meant  
  
Goodbye, Old friend, our pranks will end  
  
Marauders are smart  
  
Potter's a main part  
  
But if he wants to chase that girl, it's gonna be hard, woah  
  
So he sat and waited  
  
But then he wound up jaded  
  
And so this mister took it out on poor Snape  
  
Trouble came in Snape's direction  
  
But it was discovered through her detection  
  
She stood up for him, she was perfection  
  
She helped Snape out  
  
What is this feeling taking over?  
  
They swore off girls, but oh, that's no more!  
  
Surprise, it's here  
  
Lily, my dear  
  
Potter, poor Prongs is now dependent  
  
On that sweet girl who said what she meant  
  
Potter, turned down, sat on the ground  
  
When little miss prefect stalked away  
  
No time for jerks that prank all day  
  
James looked in the mirror and thought today  
  
What did I do to make her not stay?  
  
It'll take some time for her to see  
  
That she and James are meant to be  
  
But until he lowers his esteem  
  
Marauders must not be mean!  
  
What is this feeling taking over?  
  
They swore off girls, but oh that's no more!  
  
Surprise, it's here  
  
Lily, my dear  
  
Potter, poor Prongs is now dependent  
  
On that sweet girl who said what she meant  
  
Goodbye, old friend, our pranks will end  
  
Mister Marauder 


	5. Everybody: Marauders are Back

Backstreets not the only thing that's 'back,' Can u say 'marauders?" Sung to "Everybody (Backstreet's Back) by... the Backstreet Boys..  
  
Potter, Lupin (yaaaa)  
  
Petti-groovin' (yaaaa)  
  
marauders schemin'  
  
don't forget the Black  
  
marauders are so back!  
  
Oh Merlin we're back again  
  
charming guys, we're bewitching  
  
gonna bring the pranks  
  
show magic  
  
gotta shoe 'em professors  
  
our student rank  
  
Potter is popular  
  
yeah  
  
Lupin feigns innocence  
  
yeah  
  
Black is the sexy one  
  
yeah  
  
Peter always joins right in  
  
on every kind of sin  
  
Potter, Lupin (yaaaa)  
  
Petti-groovin' (yaaaa)  
  
marauders schemin'  
  
don't forget the Black  
  
marauders are so back!  
  
now hex that snape into the air  
  
show his undies like you just don't care  
  
and if you want some more, let me hear a spell  
  
'cause McGonnagal isn't coming  
  
Potter is popular  
  
yeah  
  
Lupin stays collected  
  
yeah  
  
black is so dead sexy  
  
Peter laughs at any joke  
  
'cause he's one happy bloke  
  
Potter, Lupin (yaaaa)  
  
Petti-groovin' (yaaaa)  
  
marauders schemin'  
  
don't forget the Black  
  
marauders are so back!  
  
so every witch and wizard here  
  
don't let voldemort make fear  
  
gonna make havoc and have some fun  
  
as longs as we've got wands  
  
then the fun is never done!  
  
Potter, Lupin (yaaaa)  
  
Petti-groovin' (yaaaa)  
  
marauders schemin'  
  
don't forget the Black  
  
marauders are so back!  
  
Potter, Lupin (yaaaa)  
  
Petti-groovin' (yaaaa)  
  
marauders schemin'  
  
don't forget the Black  
  
marauders are so back!  
  
Marauders we are back! 


	6. Girl All the Wizards Want

Fleur turns the heads of most wizards, but particularly certain redheaded curse breakers... "The Girl all the Wizards Want"  
  
8 o'clock, Monday night and I'm waiting  
  
Red hair's annoying; I wish there wasn't Weasley in me  
  
Her name is French, it means flower of the court  
  
She laughs real pretty, and I'm sure that she'd never snort.  
  
And when she walks, her veela powers show beauty  
  
But she'll never notice me  
  
Cause she's watching skating  
  
Dreaming over young guys  
  
Transfiguring flowers  
  
Passion is in her eyes  
  
It's like a bad nightmare;  
  
She's standing right there,  
  
Staring at my flaming hair,  
  
And my earring dangling there,  
  
And it gave me quite a scare,  
  
Trying to get the girl all the wizards want.  
  
She like Beauxbatons, I like pyramids and Egypt  
  
Her accent's obvious when something's made her real mad  
  
She said she'd like to teach some charms and some history  
  
She'll never know that she's the best teacher Hogwart's has  
  
And when she walks, her veela powers show beauty  
  
But she'll never notice me  
  
Cause she's watching skating  
  
Dreaming over young guys  
  
Transfiguring flowers  
  
Passion is in her eyes  
  
She likes them in a nice suit  
  
Vault full of lots of loot  
  
Flying on a firebolt  
  
Doesn't that redeem a dolt?  
  
It's like a bad nightmare;  
  
She's standing right there,  
  
Staring at my flaming hair,  
  
And my earring dangling there,  
  
And it gave me quite a scare,  
  
Trying to get the girl all the wizards want.  
  
There she goes again with tight robes on  
  
And silver in her hair  
  
She tempts my heart, and leaves me sedated  
  
Her powers never quite have faded  
  
Now I'm watching skating  
  
Do I look like young guys?  
  
Transfiguring flowers  
  
Passion is in my eyes  
  
I don't have a nice suit  
  
My vault's not full of loot  
  
All I gots a cleansweep  
  
It's like a bad nightmare;  
  
She's standing right there,  
  
Staring at my flaming hair,  
  
And my earring dangling there,  
  
And it gave me quite a scare,  
  
Trying to get the girl all the wizards want,  
  
She's the girl all the wizards want,  
  
Cause she's the girl all the wizards want. 


	7. Portraits

This is sung to "Picture" by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock, so Ron and Hermione sing it out for each other, Both know they're meant to be, but neither has the guts to say it; can simple little study cards help them remember?  
  
(Ron)  
  
Livin' real bored since I was born  
  
Different girl every night in my house dorm  
  
I ain't played quidditch in three damn days  
  
Been fuelin' up on pasties and butterbeer  
  
Wish I had smart girl right here  
  
Merlin I wonder will I ever change my ways?  
  
I put your note cards away  
  
Shouted and fought today  
  
I can't yell at you while I'm readin' your sweet notes  
  
I put your note cards away  
  
Shouted and fought today  
  
I can't yell at you while I'm reading your sweet notes.  
  
Oooooooo  
  
(Hermione)  
  
I studied with you in the common room  
  
I'll tell you those three words pretty soon  
  
But your halfhearted smile tells me you don't feel that way.  
  
I been waitin' on you for a long time  
  
Fueling up on whizbees ain't a crime  
  
I ain't taught you charms in three damn days.  
  
I put your letters away  
  
'Cause we're not talkin' today  
  
I can't yell at you while I'm reading your love letters!  
  
I put your letters away  
  
'Cause we're not talking today  
  
I can't yell at you while I'm reading your love letters  
  
(Hermione)  
  
I saw you yesterday in dumb Potions  
  
(Ron)  
  
My feelings for you are an ocean  
  
(Together)  
  
When you're not here, my world is dark and gray.  
  
(Ron)  
  
You reminded me of charms exams  
  
(Hermione)  
  
I loved it when you held my hand.  
  
I was headin' to study  
  
(Ron)  
  
I was off to the butterbeer stand!  
  
(Both)  
  
We've thought about this for a long time  
  
(Hermione)  
  
You've got the heart; I've got the mind  
  
(Both)  
  
No one understands why we're hiding things this way  
  
I found your papers today  
  
I swear I'll change my ways  
  
(Ron)  
  
I won' be prat,  
  
(Hermione)  
  
I'll put my books down.  
  
(Both)  
  
I found your papers today  
  
I swear I'll change my ways  
  
(Ron)  
  
I won't be prat  
  
(Hermione)  
  
I'll put my books down  
  
(Both)  
  
I just wrote to say I love you, come back around. 


	8. Slave for You

Ginny sings "Slave for you" by Britney Spears, except a little altered, she's a slave for Harry,  
  
Brothers always look at me  
  
like I'm some little girl  
  
well ever since I fought back Tom  
  
I'm a woman in this world  
  
Ron is saying "little sis,  
  
Don't pester my best bud!"  
  
Well I'm just tryin' to find out why  
  
'cause Harry's who I love.  
  
Get it, get it, get it, (snitch)  
  
get it, get it, get it (oh)  
  
get it, get it, get it  
  
I know he thinks I'm quiet  
  
he thinks I'm really shy  
  
but I'm feelin' completely star struck when I see this guy  
  
He's practical, he's logical, what the hell? who cares! All I know is I'm so happy with that messy hair!  
  
I'm a slave, for you  
  
I want to hold you  
  
I can not control you!  
  
I'm a slave, for you I won't deny it  
  
It's too late, I can't hide it.  
  
Harry, don't you wanna, rescue me, in another hidden place  
  
Oh Harry, don't you wanna, rescue me, forget riddle's ugly face!  
  
Get it, get it, get it (snitch)  
  
Get it, get it, get it (oh)  
  
Get it, get it, get it  
  
I really wanna, be rescued by you.  
  
I really wanna, do what you want to do.  
  
I really wanna, be rescued by you  
  
I think we're gonna, do what you want to do.  
  
Harry, don't you wanna, rescue me, in another hidden place  
  
Oh Harry, don't you wanna, rescue me, Forget riddle's ugly face!  
  
I'm a slave, for you  
  
I want to hold you  
  
I cannot control you  
  
I'm a slave, for you  
  
I won't deny it  
  
It's too late; I can't hide it.  
  
2X Get it, get it, get it (snitch) Get it, get it, get it (oh)  
  
Get it, get it, get it  
  
I'm a slave for you  
  
I want to hold you  
  
I can not control you  
  
I'm a slave, for you  
  
I can't deny,  
  
It's too late, I can't hide it.  
  
Like that. 


	9. I'm Sorry I Can't Be Percy

Ron has to suffer as the youngest, overshadowed boy, and Simple Plan can help him get across his feelings. Ron's 'sorry he can't be "Percy."' Sung to Simple Plan's "Perfect." Arthur, look at me,  
  
Think back and talk to me.  
  
Is Gryffindor what you had planned?   
  
And do you think sneaking out is a crime  
  
Even though the cause is good?  
  
But I still get a howler, anyways   
  
And now I try hard to get O's  
  
I just want to pass my O.W.L.'s  
  
I'm never gonna score high enough for  
  
You can't pretend that I'm not Ron  
  
And you can't change me!   
  
'Cause I'm just Ronald!  
  
I'm cast aside forever  
  
I'm sorry I can't be Percy   
  
You'll just have to wait  
  
For me to prove myself  
  
I'm sorry I can't be Percy I try not to think  
  
Of the envy inside of me  
  
Did you know that I used to love muggles too?   
  
All the days spent in your old shed  
  
Tinkering with sparks and plugs  
  
But it's not like that matters anymore And now I try hard to get O's  
  
I just want to pass my O.W.L.'s  
  
I'm never gonna score high enough for you  
  
I can only win chess games  
  
But that's not the same!   
  
'Cause I'm just Ronald!  
  
I'm cast aside forever  
  
I'm sorry I can't be Percy   
  
You'll just have to wait  
  
For me to prove myself  
  
I'm sorry I can't be Percy Nothing's gonna change the things that Perce said  
  
Nothing's gonna make Fudge right again!  
  
Please don't compare us  
  
I can't do spells so there  
  
I hate this stupid hair  
  
Why can't you understand? 'Cause I'm just Ronald!  
  
I'm cast aside forever  
  
I'm sorry I can't be Percy   
  
You'll just have to wait  
  
For me to prove myself  
  
I'm sorry I can't be Percy 'Cause I'm just Ronald!  
  
I'm cast aside forever  
  
I'm sorry I can't be Percy   
  
You'll just have to wait  
  
For me to prove myself  
  
I'm sorry I can't be Percy   
  
(Ron)  
  
"He is the biggest GIT ever!" ~OotP, Percy and Padfoot~ Thanks to Simple Plan for being so totally amazing! I LOVE you guys!! And thanks to my readers and reviewer (lol) Like I said, this is a series, and there are plenty more to come!   
  
Like it? Hate it? Wait, hating it isn't an option, but review anyways! 


	10. I'm not a Witch, Not Quite a Wizard

OK, so I have no idea how this came about. Ok, so I do have an idea. An author of "Harry Potter the Musical" has asked me to do a parody where Ron is a transvestite. Well here it is, much to my, errm, well discomfort and amusement, if they can go hand in hand, that is. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this epic from the "highly praised, critically acclaimed," "Harry Potter the Musical!" This one is for all those magical transvestites out there. Sung to Britney Spear's "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman;" wait, make that "I'm Not a Witch, Not quite a Wizard" I used to sing, I had so much fun caroling  
  
But now I can't  
  
Because my voice is changed  
  
Feels like my throat is so tight  
  
That's when I realize   
  
I'm not a witch, not quite a wizard  
  
All I need is time, an operation's fine  
  
While I'm in between  
  
What sex am I?   
  
There is doubt about what I am  
  
It's time that I  
  
Figure out my gender now  
  
I've got just about everything  
  
So I'll wait and just close my eyes   
  
I'm not a witch, not quite a wizard  
  
All I need is time, an operation's fine  
  
While I'm in between  
  
What sex am I?   
  
But if you look at me closely  
  
You will see it all there  
  
This "it" will find a way   
  
(I'm not a witch) I'm not a witch; don't tell me I'm some chick  
  
(Not quite a wizard) I'm just trying to find the man in me  
  
(All I need is time) oh all I need is time  
  
(An operation's fine) a snip somewhere is fine  
  
While I'm in between   
  
I'm not a witch, not quite a wizard, no no  
  
All I need is time, an operation's fine  
  
While I'm in between  
  
I'm not a witch, well duh  
  
Not quite a wizard  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own the musical, don't own Potter, don't own Britney, and sadly, don't own all their money either! 


	11. He's So Famous

Most people assume just because the Boy-Who-Lived is famous, that he leads a great life. Well for anyone who has been following his past five years at Hogwarts, they know that is a far cry from the truth. Let this song, "Lucky," originally sung by Britney Spears, justify poor Harry. "Famous"   
  
This is a story about a boy named Harry   
  
Early morning, sun comes up  
  
Knock knock knock on his dorm  
  
It's time to wakeup, lightning bolt  
  
There on his head, it's just the norm.   
  
They go  
  
Isn't he famous, that one boy-who-lived?  
  
And they say   
  
He's so famous; he's got a scar  
  
But he try try tries not to be a star, casting  
  
Spells and jinxes, all throughout his life  
  
Why can't people accept this guy?   
  
Sees old Voldie, in his dreams  
  
But a snake bite's all that wakes him up  
  
And the war is going, and there is no slowing  
  
But spells hit, what happens after that?   
  
Isn't he famous, that one boy-who-lived?  
  
And they say  
  
  
  
He's so famous; he's got a scar  
  
But he try try tries not to be a star, casting  
  
Spells and jinxes, all throughout his life  
  
But why can't people accept this guy?   
  
Greatest seeker, and the player is: Potter!  
  
I'm Rita Skeeter with Witch Weekly standing outside Hogwarts waiting for Harry,  
  
Oh Merlin, here he comes!   
  
Isn't he famous, that one boy-who-lived?  
  
He is so famous, and yet he still tries  
  
To appear modest throughout his whole life  
  
Why can't people accept this guy?   
  
He's so famous; he's got a scar  
  
But he try try tries not to be a star, casting  
  
Spells and jinxes, all throughout his life  
  
But why can't people accept this guy?   
  
He is so famous  
  
But he try try tries not to be a star, casting  
  
Spells and jinxes, all throughout his life  
  
But why can't people accept this guy? Disclaimer: I don't own Harry, "Lucky," or the dollar I "borrowed" from a friend 


	12. Witches Got Pure

_Uck, all those Slytherins are alike, aren't they? Enjoy this anthem of Pureblood love, sung by, but of course, that quintessential Slytherin, Draco Malfoy. We all know he'll only go for those Pureblood witches, but he's not the only picky bachelor out there. Read Draco's rendition of Sir Mix Alot's "Baby Got Back" with this, "Witches Got Pure." _

Spoken by two Muggleborns

Oh. My. God. Penny, look at that witch. She's so... pure! She looks like one of those Death Eater chicks. Who understands those Death Eaters? They only talk to her because she looks like a total Slytherin. I mean her family, it's just so... noble! I can't believe there are no Muggles, it's just... odd! I mean, come on? Look, she's just so...pure!

I like Purebloods and I cannot lie,

You other wizards can't deny,

That when a witch walks in from a Pureblood home,

And lineage to match your own,

You get charmed.

But then you cast a hex,

'Cause you discover that she's a mix.

Pure in the genes she's carryin'

I'm spellbound, and can't stop starin'.

Oh, Pansy, I want to impress ya',

Buy you a pink dress, uh.

Halfbloods try to boot me,

But I just want some Pure booty!

Ooh, pure witches grooming,

You say you wanna ride my broom?

Well jinx me, jinx me, you ain't that average minx, see,

I've seen Yule dancin',

Muggle romancin',

It's long, wrong, got it goin' like a Deathday song.

I'm tired of the Ministry

Saying mixes are to be.

Take the average Pureblood and ask him that.

She gotta procure the pure.

So wizards (yeah), Wizards (yeah),

Has your girlfriend got the blood? (hell yeah!)

Well keep it, keep it, keep it, keep it, keep that blood so rich.

Witches got pure.

I like 'em fine and _rich_

And when I'm chasing that Snitch,

I just can't help myself.

I hunt them like an animal;

A Slytherin scandal.

I'll take you home,

And _Nox_, double up _Nox Nox!_

I ain't talking 'bout halfbloods,

'Cause impure parts are always duds.

I want a real pureblood beauty.

So find that noble hottie,

Malfoy's just rotting,

Beggin' for a piece of that body.

So he's lookin' at Gladrags,

Those Muggle-born models are just like hags.

You can have those drags.

I'll keep my witches that I have.

A word to the pureblood sistas,

I wanna get with ya'.

I won't hex or hit ya'.

But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna curse,

Till the break of dawn.

You know you got it goin' on,

A lot of gits won't like this song.

'Cause Gryffindors just leave and grieve,

But I'd rather last and cast.

My wands long, and it's strong,

And I'm getting my spells turned on.

So witches (yeah), witches (yeah),

Do you wanna pose in my pictures? (hell yeah)

Turn up your nose,

Huff and pout,

Even Halfbloods got to shout,

Witches got pure.

Yeah, baby.

When it comes to females,

Lockheart ain't got nothing to do with my selection.

Every 24-7,

There's a Pureblood girl for me.

So your witch rides a Cleansweep?

Buying second hand books, torn and cheap.

But cheap ain't gonna buy anything but a Cleansweep.

My polished wand don't want none, unless you are pure Hun!

You can flirt with stupid 'Mud, but please don't tinge that blood.

Some wizards wanna date that mold.

Say your blood ain't worth its gold.

So they break up and leave you,

And I fly up quick to retrieve it.

So the Order is your enemy,

Well that don't bother me.

'Cause your blood is pure and your vault is flowin',

And I'm thinkin' about going,

To the fancy dames in the magazine.

"You ain't it, Miss Thing."

Give me a witch, I cannot resist,

Fortune and wealth did miss her.

Some Slytherin tried to diss her,

'Cause his girls were on my list.

He had them, but he chose to drop 'em,

And now he's sad he lost 'em.

So ladies, if the blood is pure,

And you want a magic cure.

Floo to 1-900- The Malboy, and come be my rich toy,

Witches got pure.

wipes sweaty brow off Whew! Well I tell ya', that one was a doozey! Man, that took me a while, lol, I hope you enjoy it, lol, It made ME laugh at least, oh, I forgot my author's note, hold on...

_A/N: Stands up impressively, about to deliver a very important (and long) speech I have this to say: "Wiggle, and bother. Thank you."_

_Again, thank you!, to my reviewers, Annika, and the two addressed by the quote._


	13. What Was I Thinking?

_What Was I Thinking?_

_Harry and Ginny are fated to be together, (obviously!) but that doesn't mean her brothers will be willing to give up "ickle Gin-Gin!" Dierks Bentley's "What Was I Thinking" couldn't portray Harry's thoughts more perfectly when he and the youngest Weasley do more than just study_****

Ginny was a beauty from Ottery St. Catchpole.

Her Daddy taught her how to protect her soul,

He messed with Muggle things and even paid a toll.

What was I thinking?

She snuck out on her Cleansweep by the paddock.

Her pop was warned by the ghoul in the attic.

We flew out of sight, wreaking lots of havoc,

What was I thinking?

I knew the boys would make me pay,

But that crossed my mind a little too late!

'Cause I was thinking about a fiery redhead,

Saddled on the Firebolt next to me.

And I was feeling her hands in my hair,

It was magic, we were flying on my broom to Leeds.

I know what I was feeling,

But what was I thinking?

What was I thinking?

By headquarters, the Order was on our tail.

Went into the clouds where we dodged rough hail.

Shook off Tonks, thank Merlin it didn't fail!

What was I thinking?

Right behind me she was hollering, "Fast!"

Did a Wronski Feint, full of Quidditch class.

Pulled ahead to the Burrow with a mighty blast.

What was I thinking?

I knew the boys would make me pay,

But that crossed my mind a little too late!

'Cause I was thinking about a fiery redhead,

Saddled on the Firebolt next to me.

And I was feeling her hands in my hair,

It was magic, we were flying on my broom to Leeds.

I know what I was feeling,

But what was I thinking?

When that mountain of a brother full of red hair,

Tried to grimace at me I gave him a cold stare.

She kissed me good then we bolted outta there!

What was I thinking?

I finally got her home at a half past two.

Daddy's in the Muggle shed frowning at my broom.

Stopped it from hovering, headed to her room.

What was I thinking?

Oh, what was I thinking?

Oh, what was I thinking?

Then for me she tossed that crimson mane,

So like a bullet we took off again!

'Cause I was thinking about a fiery redhead,

Saddled on the Firebolt next to me.

And I was feeling her hands in my hair,

It was magic, we were flying on my broom to Leeds.

I know what I was feeling,

I know what I was feeling.

But what was I thinking?

What was I thinking?

Spoken

I know what I was feeling,

And I'm sure her brothers do too, now that I think of it...

_A/N: This was great fun!!!! I have to say immediately THANK YOU to my reviewers; you make me smile more than is humanely possible! Please feel obligated to leave a review if I made you smile! _J _ I love ya, Lauren and Kasia!_


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